


Sad Memories and Bad Dreams

by freaking_intelligent_fangirl



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Sexual Content, but there, not super explicit, slight mentions of homophobia and abuse, warped ideas of manhood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 21:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freaking_intelligent_fangirl/pseuds/freaking_intelligent_fangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Detective John Kennex, alone at night, in his apartment, allows himself to break down over a love that he is sure isn't reciprocated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sad Memories and Bad Dreams

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction, so please be gentle in your reviews. I am open to constructive criticism, but please no flames. This is a Jorian fic because after 1x03 I couldn't resist.

Dorian had been right when he said that John’s testicles were at full capacity. He had had a major case of blue balls for weeks. Come to think of it, it was only since the skin case that he had had blue balls. He had tried getting rid of them by jerking off to the pictures of the sexbots, because damn, but he hadn’t been able to get hard enough. Dorian, on the other hand, could give John a hard on in seconds. He slid his boxers down to his ankles and began pumping himself while he thought of Dorian. Dorian’s laugh, his smile, his singing voice, the twinkle in his eyes he got when he mocked John, the way his face lifted ever so slightly when he saw John, his voice, his ass, his lean and toned body that looked so human it was easy to forget that he wasn’t, his eyes… John had to bite down on his bottom lip to keep from crying out as he came and the orgasm washed over him. The release of tension in his balls felt almost as good as the orgasm.  


As he came down from his orgasm a hollow feeling settled in his stomach. It was the reason that he tried not to jerk off while thinking of Dorian, even though that seemed to be the only way he could jerk off. He knew the hollow feeling well. It was the feeling he got when he thought of Dorian. In public, it was easier to hide, but in private it damn near consumed him. Dorian was an amazing officer, better than some of the human officers, and he was so close to being a person. John saw how good he was with kids, and it made his heart ache. He was sure that Dorian would be just as good, if not better, with their kids…  


“Snap out of it Kennex,” he told himself through gritted teeth. “That’s just a fantasy. It’s not gonna happen. You need to stop pining over and android for God’s sake and get yourself a woman.” No matter how much he told himself that speech, it never worked. He always though of Dorian, rather than Valerie whenever he thought of settling down and making a home with someone; it was Dorian, who knew how he liked his coffee that would make it for him in the morning while he made scrambled eggs for their kids. It was Dorian that he would retire with, Dorian and no one else.  


He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks and buried his face in his pillow. As he cried he thought of something that his father had told him when he was young.  


“Real men don’t cry John, and real men love women and women only, and they respect the women that they love.” Of course, that didn’t stop his father from crying like a baby when he had too much to drink, or throwing things at his mother, including his fists, when she didn’t cook his steak correctly.  


Thinking about that made something inside of John snap. He got out of bed and threw his pillow at his window. He pushed everything of his bed. He walked into his kitchen and swept everything off his counters and onto the floor. He kept destroying things until the manic energy that had possessed him dissipated. Then he just sunk to the floor, curled into a ball, and sobbed.  


He knew that Dorian didn’t feel the same way about him because he had set up that damn dating profile for him and had pushed him into going on all of the damn dates that he could go on. Sure, sometimes he would find a woman that he liked and they would come back to his apartment and fuck, but that’s all it ever was. She would leave in the morning and neither of them would contact the other again. He was always so eager to know how the date was; he was like a teenage girl, demanding every detail about the date and whether or not he enjoyed himself. His gorgeous eyes would sparkle with mischief when he told John that he had another date and push him out of the precinct early so that he could make himself “presentable”.  


Dorian was so damn perceptive that sometimes John wondered if Dorian knew how he felt about him and made comments, like about putting his finger somewhere else, just to fuck with him. John also knew that Dorian must know how he almost broke down when he shut off during the palladium heist. It took everything in him to stay calm and fix Dorian. Then the bastard had to go and climb up the elevator by himself because it was what he was “designed to do” and leave John there, waiting for something terrible to happen. He must have known, because he was so damn perceptive, that when he got shot John almost ran to him and screwed over the mission because he couldn’t stand seeing Dorian being hurt.  


“Damn it Dorian. Damn it,” he hated that Dorian made him feel this way. But he knew that Dorian didn’t feel the same way and he wasn’t going to risk what he had with Dorian over his feelings. He closed his eyes and rocked back and forth as the tear fell from his eyes, he made no attempt to control them.  


“John?” came a voice that sounded far too much like Dorian for John’s liking right now. “John,” said the voice. Damn his brain for coming up with Dorian’s soothing voice when he was so vulnerable. “John,” the voice whispered, this time more insistent. He clamped his hands over his ears; he couldn’t hear Dorian anymore without a fresh wave of tears that he had held in for so long. “John,” came the voice again.  


Detective John Kennex opened his eyes and saw Dorian’s concerned face.  


“You were crying. Are you all right?” he asked, worried for his partner. It took John a few moments to readjust to his surroundings, and once he did he remembered where he was. He was in his new, two person, apartment with Dorian in his bed next to him. He wiped the tears from his eyes.  


“Yeah I’m fine,” he said in his gravelly voice that was full of sleep. “I just had a bad dream. It’s nothing to worry about.” Dorian pursed his lips while his cheek flashed. John wasn’t lying and Dorian knew that.  


“Alright,” he said. “No more bad dreams tonight okay?” John nodded.  


“Okay.” He kissed Dorian, a chaste loving brush of lips, before he closed his eyes again. Dorian laid back down, putting his head on John’s chest, allowing John to wrap his arms around him. He kissed Dorian’s forehead before he banished the memory that had become his nightmare and settled into a peaceful sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if John's father was really abusive, but it worked well with the story.


End file.
